I See Humans, But No Humanity

How can you fight something that you don’t understand or recognize?

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“What sort of mind goes “there’s the children’s play area. That’s where I’ll detonate my bomb”? Time to turn the world off and back on again.” – David Schneider

I’m so angry, I can’t believe this is how we as humans in the 21st century still treat each other .

It’s all just a mass murdering blur, I’m not entirely sure, but I honestly think in the space of just the past week there have been four suicide bombings in Turkey, Belgium, Iraq and now Pakistan.

All of which specifically targeted completely innocent people, who were just going about their normal everyday lives. How can anyone do this? Or how can we stand by and let this continue to happen? Seriously there is only ever been one race – the human race, the rest of it is utter bollocks. What the fuck is going on?

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And, the sad thing is, that this is just tip of the iceberg. Atrocities like this are occurring daily in parts of Syria and other war torn zones where civilians are seen as political tools or just collateral damage, but such atrocities are so common and reoccur so often in those parts of the world that they don’t even make headline news anymore.

I was never exposed to the trauma of a suicide bomb, but to this day, I can still feel how the initial panic and terror of realising I was suddenly surrounded by death and devastation after the island was annihilated by the two waves of the Asian tsunami.

It’s so hard to watch the TV footage of the aftermath of the bombings, because it brings back so much of how I felt on the day of the tsunami and what I experienced in the chaos of local hospitals which didn’t have anywhere near the resources of what you would expect in the west and were completely overawed by the level of mass casualties that they were struggling to cope with. But unlike my experience where I was caught in a natural disaster, and the only person I could really blame and get angry with was “god”.

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These poor people have to deal with the trauma of knowing it was another human being that was responsible for the pain and suffering that will never leave them.

I always hide it from other people, it’s a lot easier now that I don’t really have any friends around me, but I have broken down in tears three times in the past 24 hours while or immediately after watching the news reports of the attacks in Lahore.

I’m so fucking angry at these cunts, who think they can justify psychopathic mass murdering criminality in the name of their ideological religious beliefs. It’s fucking ridiculous. Learn the history of your religion or better still learn the history of all religions.

I have been away from London now, coming up to two and half years. The most homesick I have ever felt was the weeks after the two Paris bombings and the past week. I almost flew home after each of the two Paris attacks.

I really wish I could just go home to London now, stop bumming around Asia while living out of a bag and be with my mates, but much, much, more than that, I wish I could do something to make this shite stop happening.

Those children and their families weren’t guilty of anything. They were just playing in that park…

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Sam DeSilva has been blogging about PTSD since being caught in the 2004 tsunami in Southeast Asia. More of his writing can be found here.

This article was originally published on PTSD Jedi.

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